Hardest Tasks & The Mental Load
Today was the day I was going to sit down and write a bunch of Substack posts. I had all the ideas overflowing in my brain. I had my desk setup and ready to go with my laptop and my mug warmer. I could see myself in the zone writing blissfully for hours!
Then I caught sight of this…
I thought “I’ll just unload and load the dishes and pop the laundry in the washer and then I’ll be all set to do my writing.” As I was carrying the laundry to the washer/dryer, I saw my daughter had left a mess of her writing/art stuff on the dining table so I added that to my mental checklist to clean as well. Then our new living room plants caught my eye and I remembered I wanted to get a nice stand for them so I stopped on the stairs and started looking for a plant stand on Amazon on my phone.
Then I stopped everything.
Because I suddenly remembered
’s post about doing your hardest task first.
At the same time I also remembered my own post about weaving your Work-Life Tapestry.
Work Life Tapestry
A post where I replace the word “Balance” with “Tapestry” because weaving in work and life together to create something beautiful resonates with me far more than calculating the exact amount of weight you’ll assign to each area for balance.
So here are some of my thoughts as an addendum to Ethan’s post.
If you are a working mom (or a working parent) your potential candidates for your hardest task of the day may come from your professional and personal life. It’s ok to have a combined task list but take time to really ask yourself what matters and choose wisely!
“Hard” does not mean “I never seem to find time for it” or “I hate doing it”. By that definition laundry would be hard for me. “Hard” means something that requires focus and brain power.
Ethan’s post mentions some great audience insights on how to get a hard task done. If you are prioritizing a deep-focus task, be it professional like writing a design doc or personal like writing a Substack post, many of those tips will be useful. My favorite in today’s case was to set my environment. I simply moved to a different room away from the dirty dishes and laundry to shift my focus.
And here are some more thoughts relevant to weaving your Work-Life Tapestry.
I’m sure some working mom might benefit from hearing me say this so here goes - it’s ok to ignore the dirty dishes and the laundry in favor of intellectually stimulating work when that happens!
Taking another chance to recommend Tiffany Dufu’s Drop the Ball. Especially for tasks you repeatedly hate doing, figuring out a rotation with your partner or outsourcing them if you can are all valid options. I understand both of these are a privilege not everyone has but I have also coached many women who haven’t thought about using these options even when they have them!
The mental load is real for most working women no doubt. Even with a highly supportive spouse I carry this mental load all the time so if you are a new mom or don’t have a supportive partner, I’m sure you are feeling it even more! The comic recommends and advocates for many things, most unfortunately outside the control of women caught in this mental load. So I want to point out a skill I had to learn over the years as a tech exec working mom - stop and set down your mental load periodically! Just like I did today when I temporarily stepped away from the dishes and the laundry and the plant organizing and other million things I kept adding to my to-do list. It was very satisfying to enjoy writing this article instead and now I can go back refreshed to my household chores!
Readers, do you have a story to share about a “hardest task first” choice across your work and personal list? How did you make the choice?
I do agree with you. If we are able to do the hardest task in the morning itself then we can easily focus on other tasks which are comparatively less difficult.
To be honest, I am not good at it. I am a procastinator who just keep delaying due to which I ended up piling a lot of things which burdens me up and build a lot of mental pressure.A
For this I need to find a way to become a go getter and how can I kill my procrastination.R
Rest I have a very supportive mother to whom I told to monitor me and keep reminding me of the imp tasks that I need to do. She often reminds me and then k had to do it. I also manages a to-do list where I list all my tasks.
But yes, I had to work on this otherwise I'll be doomed with so much burden.
Hey Chaitali. I'm new to Substack but I LOVE writing and lately it has become work for me. I used to do it to relax. Your writing is so refreshing ans natural. It has encouraged me to start writing again.
My favorite style is short story writing and would love some tips on how to make myself seen on Substack. I don't know anybody here and I have the same challenges that any mother and student has these days. Could really use your useful insights on how to make my Substack seen...